"Sitting outside KS Union, feeling nostalgic about moving away from campus, freshman orientationites passing by. A nice full circle moment."
- about 21 hours ago via web
Disorientation
Stickers peeling and glossy bags swinging – they’ve arrived.
Clutch that folder tight; it holds all the answers – for now.
I, the wizened old veteran, sit silently watching,
desperately waving through thick air
in a vain attempt to catch a few more remembered moments
of grounded familiarity – even as they slide away
into new, uncharted territory.
Cracking numbers on a pilling t-shirt aren’t all that dates me –
walking shoes well-worn, an iPod dented by Oread concrete,
and subtle impressions from a five-year furrowed brow
separate me from the crisp, shiny silk screens in their hands.
They, too, will earn their blisters, scratches, and creases,
and they will inevitably be replaced as they replace me,
but these bricks and stones will continue to keep watch
as they always have.
July 8, 2010
OH my goodness I like this poem. It reinforces what I feel, too. Being 'replaced' sucks, but at the same time is the course of nature...and I have eluded to far too many philosophical topics. I blame Ayn Rand.
ReplyDeleteGood job..and the nostalgia builds...try being over a decade out!
ReplyDeleteIgnore the following notes:
1) I don't think you need: "the wizened old veteran" you're telling what you show in stanza two.
2)"pilling" I had to look that up. My vocab is now one word larger. Thanks.
3)Best line: "they will inevitably be replaced as they replace me" (Awesome!)
4)In the penultimate line, change "but" to "as" and cut "will" and see how it reads:
"[as] these bricks and stones continue to keep watch / as they always have." (Better?)
Good poem, graduate(+)!
You know my notes on this since we went over them in the car :), but I have to say I agree with Bill's #3, it is a great line. I'm still sold on the reordering of the lines, though.
ReplyDeleteAnd I want to read the one you started at the show--when is that gem getting debuted?
After neglecting this for weeks... I think I've ultimately decided to leave it as is. Coming back to it now, I think it works, and the order appropriately reflects my thought process on that day. But your suggestions are ALWAYS appreciated and considered. :)
ReplyDelete